| nooo shit.. |
[Jul. 20th, 2004|02:20 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | accomplished | ] |
| [ | music |
| | mya - lie detector | ] |
new journal:
www.livejournal.com/users/naiveafrodisiac
so..come visit me. i have a prettyful background.*nods head* ^_^ |
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| WHAT THE FUCK??? |
[Jul. 18th, 2004|02:14 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  depressed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | mariah carey - crybaby | ] |
why are people who are supposed to be my friends turning on me? what the fuck?
*cries* why am i the school slut? IM NOT!! IM NOT!
*screams* I FUCKING HATE ALL THE DAMN LABELS! I HATE ALL THE SHIT BEING SAID ABOUT ME BUT NOT TO MY FACE!
i have to hear about from someone's girlfriend, boyfriend, friend, friend's friend, read it in the online journal, or in a RARE ocasion be told to my face. that is so RARE. why? why? why do people hate me? i fucking hate all of you who are LIEING TO ME! I HATE YOU LIARS!!
school slut? school slut? me? slut? NO! fuck, and if i die no one will care. they'll rid my body in a dumpster. no funeral necessary. why all the lies? i hate it. i hate it. i hate it. i hate it.
i wish i could just end it all. die tomorrow. get the fuck out of this life. but nooo...i love life too much. people to meet, places to go, things to do..its me. i being alive too much. and dieing would just give them all the satisfaction that they all want. i hate myself. and they're probably all talking about how ugly,how slutty..how fat i am,etc. whatever the fuck they're going to pick at me for. so..i guess..i have to do something about that FAT. how im going to go about doing so..im unsure. so unsure.
everyone hates me and they don't tell me to my face. *cries* where did all the good people go? am i not good enough for them..or have i not found them yet?
oh, and how i hate all the anger that i have. i feel guilty for even being hurt. why? because i know im probably over reacting. or at least that's what people will tell me. but you'd over react too when 6 of your friends talk behind your back about you. oh if you were me, you'd hate yourself too. ugh..i still feel guilty. |
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| trust issues... |
[Jul. 18th, 2004|01:17 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  bitchy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | m2m - track 8 off the album shades of purple | ] |
oh my god.
this has in the back of my mind alllll day long. *slams head into wall*
OH SHIT! yeah, start the self injury and watch everyone do just that - WATCH. *rolls eyes*
anyhoo, what i mean is the whole trust thing. i mean, i turst people, sometimes too easy, sometimes not enough. but the thing is im really starting to loose my trust in a lot of people. an im confused as to who i can put my trust in. there are few people where i KNOW i don't have to think twice about it. *sigh* why is it whenever i trust someone there's always someone who FUCKS this idea of trust over? *shakes head* what did I DO?? why is MY fault?
*glares* and i hate when people act all nice towards you but secretly they have this grudge about you. something they don't like and they're telling other people. i don't mean quirks or annoying habits or past things. im talking stuff you should work out but they don't have the balls to tell you. that shit really pisses me off. i mean, it really does a number on me. that and when people just up and leave. im REALLY sensitive about it. i have this HUGE fear of abandonment so i really get pissed off or really scared when people do. i mean, i turn into a nervous wreck or i get REALLY pissed off and get into this nagging bitch like mode. its ugly. but i do apologize for it when i recognize im doing it.
and i need to talk to marlene about this one thing. im only writing it cause i need to vent my frustration about it and THEN i'll talk to her. cause "look mother.." isn't the best way to start a conversation. ha.."look motherfucker" is what it meant for all my slow friends out there reading this. *scratches* oi,oi. im scratching like a mad person. i need drugs to calm me down,and im FEELING ITCHY? go figure. damn the drugs. but anyhoo..marlene SUPPOSEDLY from what i hear has some beef with me. she won't say but dani told me. so, why the fuck won't you say anything? she knows if she has a problem with me or anyone i have ALWAYS TOLD HER she can come to me. but NOOOOOO...she has to go tell danielle and aaron and then i have to hear it from danielle. ugh. how fucked is this? if you've got SHIT to say then FUCKIN say it already. ya know? damn..its makin me trip like a mofo so i have to talk to her about it.
and what's with aaron? dunoo. he's ..i dunno. can't put my finger on it but when he said " some people at the party have issues with you " my first thought was "FUCKERS IM SOBER!" but then again there's ALWAYS some reason for someone to fuck with me and piss me off. ugh. what? did lauren call me a whore? or was it brian? or marcus? damn bitches. scratch that, brian's just being annoying. >.< its like EVERYONE'S got an issue with me CEPT danielle. cause if she did, she's say so.
hm..what else? brian's annoyed with me. won't say WHY!(damn, i tell him " if there's ever a problem between us or you have some issues of your own, come tell me." and i don't get JACK SHIT. its one of the reason i come to him with my problems. its like saying "hey, i came to you, return the favor fucker an come to me instead of me hearing it from 20 people and guess who solves your problem? ME! god..do i need a YIELD sign on my forhead?)
brian..brian..brian. *rolls eyes* i can NEVER do anything right. im sober its not enough. i don't get in trouble. he thinks i will. i don't put out. he says "uh huh." and it makes me wanna fake SMACK 'EM in the face! gr.. cause i'd never hit him. but i'd damn sure make it look convincing. and whenever i talk about guys he gets all lecture like..like im some CHILD. im 15..not 5. add 10 years brian and you will see a NICER side of me. dammit. let me do shit on my own . don't hover over me like some GUARDIAN! YOU ARE 16! ACT IT! i know IM one to talk, but jeez man..
and lauren. why must i give people 2nd chances?..and third,and fourth...and fifth..and sixth...*trails off to a hundred* oh and marcus is a fucking spooty bitchwhorebitch. haha. i used bitch TWICE! lol.
she INDULGES in GOSSIP TOO MUCH! and we all know I HATE THAT! what the fuck??? and when i heard " oh, i want a boyfriend to last me til the end of the school year and that's it." from someone i know..can't remember who, but they're a reliable source. i was so SOOOO PISSSED!! he's my best friend and big brother. im VERY protective of him. sometimes him and i are toooo protective of eachother and drive eachother up the wall. meh. we do it all in good reason. but i swear, if she BREAKS HIS HEART IM GONNA FUCKING BITCH HER OUT! but damn..she told me a couple times what she's said about me and it HURTS. for instance..WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU TELL ME : oh, you're not as much of a whore as i used to tell brian.
OH MY GOD! I SHOULD HAVE FUCKED HER UP! but NOOOOO!! here's what i said "oh..that's nice. but im just misunderstood sometimes." ugh..*shudders* why the fuck did i put up with that?
oh sweet jesus! and the "im faaaat" thing. i KNOW I DROVE people crazy when i said that. but sometimes I CAN'T help it. cause im bulimic. so..i have a disease and it gets in the way. im much stronger than i used to be though. so if i say im fat im having a bad self esteem day or something shitfaced like that. but she's always on a diet. which makes me wonder "brian do you not fucking care? are you FUCKING BLIND?!?!?" cause when i was dieting it was BAD!!! not only cause i was bulimic but its BAD! okay, and your girlfriend is dieting and its NOT bad? do something about it. don't yell at me about my eating habits. i like to eat like a sparrow thank you very much. *nods head*
but i hate when she goes " you don't understand." UGH! cause the MAJORITY of the time i do. so, i've called her but only talked to her twice. but see, i don't KNOW her schedule like brian so i didn't know when to reach her. her an i used to call back and forth like..3 times in a day. she'd call..i'd call..and brian told me she said that i call too much. well..when you talk shit im gonna wanna get hold of you. the fuckin fact you don't answer the phone ain't my fuckin problem.
and no shit...everyone trying to get in my pants. damn, there are days when i want to sit an be well.. a kid. just have fun. but since im the WHORE as some people like to put it, im not ALLOWED to not have NON - SEXUALLY ACTIVE DAYS. damn you all! i may talk about, but when i don't act on, it means IM NOT IN THE FUCKING MOOD BITCHES! dammit! im like meat in my group of friends. im just so fuckin used to it im not sure what im going to do with myself. jeez. brian acts like everyone i talk to is a potential person for me to screw. dumbass. that's why i liked walking round the mall with the boy today. he put his arms around me,an tickled me, and gave me piggy back rides. it WAS'NT sexual at all! i mean, i don't mind if somethings JOKINGLY sexual but when you EXPECT me to be SERIOUS i get pissy. i have a fuckin brain you god damn morons. i have a fuckin life. i have a fuckin heart. i have this shit you fuckers call feelings. don't FUCK WITH THEM! damn, im all covered up and people still find ways to say i look slutty. i don't act slutty and people still find ways to make me sound bad and feel inferior. and with all the shit talk behind my back i don't know who to trust. im losing my trust in 3 people. none of the above mentioned in my rants tho. everyone else i trust now that i come to think of it. because they've done nothing wrong. an it wouldn't be fair to judge them cause of other shitheads in my life.
mew, i havn't seen melissa (sp?) from kristi's fourth of july party since that party. i wanted to chill with her but i don't have her number. she's sooo kick ass.
i need to hang out with maryann cause we were tight and then we drifted. not cause of anything between us just schedules and not having the # to her private line. mew,mew.i need to find out when she's not busy.
i also need to hang out with gendou when he gets back from camp. ugh, i can't believe he cheated on autumn with sarah [davis]!!!! i wonder if sarah knew he was still with autumn? oi vey. and i wish someone would give me sarah adamson's number. got a school directory anyone??
i also need to hang out with becca and jeeves. mad fun. they're FUCKIN AWESOME! they're two of my favorite peoples to be around.
hm..kristi i havn't seen or talked to in a while. cool chick man. must hang with her.
hm..need to hang with dan. uh..he needs to call me back still.
hm..christi steiffer (sp?) cause's she KICK ASS! i heart that girl.haha.
MILES! cause i've NEVER met him. talked on the telly but never in person.
uh..who else?oh..DANIELLE IS A GIVEN!! but..oh who is it? oh, her friends mike,matt,and ...BUBBA! and sean. ^_^ weeeee!!
wow..uber long entry. anyone who reads this gets a hug and a box of cookies. ^_^ whoot! haha.. |
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| its not about ham you FAT FUCK! |
[Jul. 18th, 2004|11:39 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | frustrated | ] |
| [ | music |
| | mya - lie detector | ] |
hah!that was for maryann cause she said they're aren't enough ham jokes. *hugs* i hope her and i can hang out sometime. i really miss her. *dies laughing* i JUST remembered this but..maryann did you ever figure out my quirk? you were writing a story about all your friends and their quirks. i think largo's was being computer game obsessed. which..was TOO OBVIOUS.
mew, well. i went to the mall with dani and saw marlene,my blasian buddie ^_^ BLASIAN PRIDE!, and..i'll call him THE BOY! haha. i wonder if he reads this? anyhoo, he knows who he is. awww..*squeals* i got allllll worked up about all the cutesy touchy feelingness today. mew, if you don't meet nice guys as often as i do, you get worked up. oi, i havn't had piggy back rides in FOREVER! so it was nice dani and the boy gave me a few. ^_^ yesh..it was fun. i got black thigh highs with bows on the back of the thighs. hm..what else? oh, no kisses ^.^ but dat's otay. oi, i got tickled bunches today. hah, i propose we ALL have a tickle war one day.
*squeals* why am i getting worked up over a boy? *shakes head* i think i just showed off my pissy mood cause i KNEW i was being TOO FLIRTY. i've been single for..uh..a month or so now and im ALREADY looking for another person to date. don't get me wrong, i LOVE being single..but i guess i wanna see what's out there for me. but yeah, a little light went off in my head that said " if you get worked up about this don't let it be for too long. you'll look bad. but then again, you're being an UBER flirt so..stop. people are going to comment about it behind your back..and well..they won't be saying nice things."
*sigh* but i do like him! i do! i do!! |
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| *squeals* SURVEY! NURRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!! |
[Jul. 16th, 2004|11:42 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | aggravated | ] |
| [ | music |
| | shakira - underneath your clothes | ] |
Birthdate: march 14,1989 ^_^ im a pisces!!
Your age: 14
Age you act: 18
Age you wish you were: 18
Your height: 5'3 meep..tiny asian
Eye color: chocolate brown
Happy with it?: *nods head happily*
Hair color: a mix of chocolate brown,red,and blonde
Happy with it?: icky. i want my natural color (brown) or red.
Your living arrangement: apartment
Your family: dad
Have any pets?: nopes.
What's your job?: model
Piercings?: one in each ear
Tattoos?: a fake tribal one on my lower back
Obsessions?: fashion,modeling,dancing,and hair dye.
Addictions?: cocaine(im an ex addict),alcohol,anime,and raving
Do you speak another language?: im learning spanish and hopefully i'll learn to speak korean fluentlly also.
Have a favorite quote?: kyle from south park :" so kids, it doesn't matter if you're christian, jewish,hindu or aetheist..christmas is about." cartman"ham.." kyle" no! christmas isn't about ham you fat fuck!"
Do you have a webpage?: uh..my livejournal?
Deep Thoughts About Life and You in it
Do you live in the moment?: always.
Do you consider yourself tolerant of others?: yes
Do you have any secrets?:hm..not too many
Do you like your handwriting?: yup. me and my ex girlfriend write pretty similar.
Do you have any bad habits?: being too blunt,bad coping skills, cockyness, lack of thinking before i act,and dieting too much.
What is the compliment you get from most people?: "you're very beautiful " or "you're sooo tiny! how adorable!"
If a movie was made about your life, what would it be called?: little miss don't give a fuck
What's your biggest fear?: losing all my close friends
Can you sing?: yup.
Do you ever pretend to be someone else just to look cool?: never. i want people to accept me for who i am: flaws and all.
Are you a loner?: no. only when im suicidal.
What are your #1 priorities in life?: going to college,modeling,and being happy.
If you were another person, would you be friends with you?: hell fuckin yeah! i know how to have a good time!
Are you a daredevil?: hell yeah!
Is there anything you fear or hate about yourself?: i hate the fact that im an ex- coke addict/alcoholic, ex stripper, ex drug dealer, ex gang member, ex hooker,ex pimp,i've attempted suicide 10 times, my poor decision making skills and my bad coping skills:cutting,burning,ripping out hair,bruising,etc.
Are you passive or agressive?: aggressive. very.
Do you have a journal?: this one. and www.ujournal.org/users/sexyloli
What is your greatest strength and weakness?: strength: im very ambitious weakness:not accepting help easily
If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?: being an alcoholic/drug addict
Do you think you are emotionally strong?: stronger than most.
Is there anything you regret doing/not doing in life?: i regret doing drugs. i regret not protecting myself in bad relationships.
Do you think life has been good so far?: no..but its getting better
What is the most important lesson you've learned from life?: loving yourself is the first step on learning to love.
What do you like the most about your body?: my eyes
And least?: nothing really. actually , the scars i have from cutting. the word crazy just won't fade quickly like the rest of them.
Do you think you are good looking?: i think im cute ^_^
Are you confident?: im COCKY! lol. sometimes.
What is the fictional character you are most like?: gia from the movie gia
Are you perceived wrongly?: yeah, sometimes. but if people got to know me, they might like me. i say, give it time and if it doesn't work..then it doesn't. not everyone is going to like you. not everyone will perceive you as a good person. deal with it an move on.
Do You...
Smoke?: i had a cig in uh..june. i had ONE.
Drink?: nooo...im a recovering alcoholic.
Do drugs?: ocasionally smoke a cig. like..3 or 4 in a year.
Read the newspaper?: if something strikes my attention or to read my horrorscope.
Pray?: no.
Go to church?: nope.
Talk to strangers who IM you?: i don't have aim.
Sleep with stuffed animals?: when i buy a new one.
Take walks in the rain?: whenever it rains. i love to play in it!
Talk to people even though you hate them?: only if im being polite. like if i hate someone but my friend is friends with them, i'll make polite conversation so things aren't too awkward.
Drive?: no! >.< im too young!
Like to drive fast?: i want to!!
Would or Have You Ever?
Liked your voice?: yep!
Hurt yourself?: ugh..i used to cut,burn,bruise..ack..i did some dumb shit
Been out of the country?: i was an import baby!^_^ from SOUTH korea!
Eaten something that made other people sick?: yeah. tofu.
Been in love?: *squeals* yesh! with 2 girls. so far, no boys have made me feel that way yet.
Done drugs?: oh jeez..i did..*counts list on paper* 77.
Gone skinny dipping?: hah! SOOO FUN!
Had a medical emergency?: uh..does bulimia count?
Had surgery?: nope
Ran away from home?: PLENTY of times.
Played strip poker?: yup. bad idea if you're not good at poker.
Gotten beaten up?: yup. thanks to many of my ex boyfriends.
Beaten someone up?: yup. steven. i had the last straw and then we broke up.
Been picked on?: NUMEROUS TIMES! its like girls hate me or something the majority of the time.
Been on stage?: i LOVE being on stage.
Slept outdoors?: yup. ^_^ good and bad times. but mostly good.
Pulled an all nighter?: yup. i didn't sleep for 5 days straight once. mew, pepsi is your friend.
If yes, what is your record?: 5 days
Gone one day without food?: i've gone 3 months
Talked on the phone all night?: yup.
Slept together with the opposite sex w/o actually having sex?: plenty of times. i dunno..my guy friends make me feel safe.
Slept all day?: oh god yes! when im reaaaaaaallly ill. or depressed.
Been betrayed?: too many times
Had a dream that came true?: yes!i got into a modeling school.
Broken the law?: duh.
Met a famous person?: ^_^ yeah!
Have you ever killed an animal by accident?: nope.
On purpose?: EEEEEEE!! NEVER!
Told a secret you swore you wouldn't tell?: only when its one of those secrets that keep you up all night.
Stolen anything?: oi vey. i used to steal from stores all the time.
Been on radio/tv?: i was on tv in 5th grade cause my school was new.
Been in a mosh-pit?: plenty of times. fun stuff.
Had a nervous breakdown?: eek. once or twice.
Thought you were going crazy?: yeah. blue kisses do that to you.
Bungee jumped?: i want to sooo bad.
Had a dream that kept coming back?: yeah. ^_^
Beliefs
Believe in life on other planets?: no
Miracles?: yup
Astrology?: yup
Magic?: kinda
Santa?: no
Ghosts?: nope
Luck?: uh..no
Love at first sight?:^_^ yesh
Yin and yang (that good cant exist w/o bad)?: yesh
Witches?: yes
Easter bunny?: nopes
Believe its possible to remain faithful forever?: yesh
Believe theres a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow?: no
Do you wish on stars?: yes,all the time
Deep Theological Questions
Do you believe in the traditional view of Heaven and Hell?:no
Do you think God has a gender?: in wicca
Do you believe in organized religion?: no
Where do you think we go when we die?: why can't we just be reincarnated?
Friends
Who is your best friend?: dani and largo
Who's the one person that knows most about you?: largo
What's the best advice that anyone has ever given to you?: kitty
Your favorite inside joke?: BLASIAN PRIDE!
Thing you're picked on most about?: my height/my race
Who's your longest known friend?: sap
Newest?: bubba
Shyest?: soc
~omited some questions~ <---- boooooooo
Friends you miss being close to the most?: ace
Last person you talked to online?: my blasian buddy!
Who do you talk to most online?: my blasian buddy!
Who are you on the phone with most?: dani
Who's on your shit-list?: lauren and g.i. jew
Do you always feel understood?: no..im pretty misundersstood except when im around largo and dani
Do you trust others easily?: too easily
Name one person who's arms you feel safe in: largo
Do your friends know you?: walk around my house in lingerie when no one's home. yeah. ^_^
Friend that lives farthest away: sap. =( allllll the way in my hometown poway<== in san diego,ca
Love and All That
Do you consider love a mistake?: never.
What do you find romantic?: honesty,kissing under the stars, being playful in the rain
Turn-on?: honesty, feeling comfortable in your own skin,confidence, respect for one's self and others,someone who can make me laugh, wits,smarts, hm..and playfulnes. oh, being able to laugh at yourself.
Turn-off?: arrogance,stupidity,abusiveness,not taking care of yourself, lack of respect, lack of responsibility and being superior
First kiss?: in a field. i was 12 he was 14. ^_^ I made the first move!! hah, he was like " you were talking and talking and i was listening and then..not expecting that." lol. and then we kept kissing.
If someone who you had no interest in had interest in dating you, how would u feel?: a bit awkward but i would maybe go on a date. depends on the person really.
Do you prefer knowing someone before dating them or going out: i prefer knowing. but i really don't mind.
Have you ever wished it was more socially acceptable for a girl to ask a guy out: no. i'd do it anyways.
Have you ever been romantically attracted to someone physically unattractive: well, i thought they were attractive but APPARENTLY everyone else i knew had the mutal thought of "BLECH!"
What is the worst thing about the opposite sex?: hm..that they can't ask for help. why can't it be "what is the worst thing about girls?" cause i could go ON AND ON!! i would know..im a girl!
meep, im going to the mall saturday! ^_^ *dances* |
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| oi vey... |
[Jul. 15th, 2004|01:15 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | accomplished | ] |
| [ | music |
| | fiona apple- criminal | ] |
mew, i've been sober for 8 months and 3 weeks! go me! i remember one of my friends wanting to know the drugs that i did and couldn't tell her..i dunno why..probably cause i was ashamed and sometimes i end up saying tow of the same thing cause i used street names interchangeably but here's the list of what i used to do:
aimies, amp, b-bombs, bam, bambita,beans,black beauties,bombita <== spanish. in english its bombido,candy, chalk, christmas tree,crank, crystal,hydro, pink elephants aka poor man's coke, purple hearts, powder,speed ball, speed balling <==different than the other. speed balling is to smoke a mix of cocaine and heroin, ectasy mixed with ketamine,blue kisses,candy flipping on a string,cloud 9, chocolate chip cookies,elephant flipping,jellies,kitty flipping,nox,nexus flipping,pikachu, b-40, banano, basuco,bazooka,flamethrowers, zay, wollie,caps, cherry meth,water <=== blunts;methamphetamine,pcp, a mix of marijuana and other substances w/in a cigar, ghb..yeah..water even gets a drug reference,black hash,gram<==aka hashish,honey oil,cat valium, valium,atom bomb, a-bomb,bad seed,beast, belushi,bipping, bin laden (heroin after sept. 11),crisscrossing,boppers,buzzbomb, climax,spray, toncho,poor man's heroin, aderol,red phosphorus, sudafed..any other robotusin like drug..basically otc (over the counter),procaine,psilocybin,ritalin, blotter, black sunshine,scopolamine, chew and cigars. yeah..oi, and other prescription drugs i don't remember or don't know the names of. oi,oi. talk about confession. meep.
eh.. i smoke a cig maybe once or twice a year..but i don't really inhale. so, really, im wasting someone's cig but i don't care. meh..i hope she reads this. >.< and i hope everyone hear won't be mad at me or look at me differently. cause im clean..so i don't thik anyone has to worry.
<3 you all. |
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| survey time ^_^ |
[Jul. 12th, 2004|08:17 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  horny | ] |
| [ | music |
| | christina milian- dip it low | ] |
*squeals* well, i dunno...i guess you guys will find out stuff you may or may not know about me.
[basic]
-Birthday: 3-14-1989
-Birthplace: Taegu,Korea : SOUTH! i'm not a communist! i swear!!
-Current Location: Herndon, VA.
-Eye Color: brown
-Hair Color: uh..natural? well, that's an dark chocolately brown.as of now its half my natural hair color with a combo of blonde (the red fades) and rapidly fading red hair
-Righty or Lefty: righty
-Zodiac Sign: pisces. im a fishie!!^.^
-Font: arial
[your favorite]
-Music: old rock and techno
-Cartoon: south park
-Color: Black/Red
-Car: 72 mustang
-Slushy Flavor: mountain dew livewire
-Magazine: Victoria Secret - i <3 that store
-TV Show: real world
-Song at the Moment: rod stewart- maggie
-Language: english (like the british way),russian,spanish, and japanese. i couldn't pick one!!-Spice Girl: posh!everyone said i was posh and she was sooo kick ass..well..to me.
-Food & Beverage: pizza and coke floats
-Subject in School: english
-Weekend Activity: partying/clubbin or chillen with friends
-Frozen Yogurt: chocolate
-Roller Coaster: meh, i never remember the names. i just go.."ooh. that was fun..can we do again?"
[what is]
-Your most overused phrase: mew
-First thing you thought when you woke up: what am i gonna do today?
-Last image/thought you go to sleep with: something erotic..haha.
-First feature you notice of opposite sex: eyes
-Best name for a Butler: Bob
-Wussiest Sport: i dunno..
-Your best feature: meh. i pretty much like everything about myself. so..my ghetto booty,eyes and lips. ^_^
-Your greatest fear: i have arachnophobia..cept that one time i set a spider on fire..oops.
-Your greatest accomplishment: uh..doing a strip tease i guess.
-Your most missed memory:when brain [pratt] used to give my piggy back rides
[you prefer]
-Pepsi or Coke: Pepsi. (vanilla)
-McDonald's or Burger King: Burger King
-Single or Group Dates: eh..i like both
-Adidas or Nike: adidas..cause you know what that stands for
-Chicken nuggets or Chicken fingers: depends on where I'm ordering them...
-Dogs or Cats: doggies!!
-Rugrats or Doug: doug
-Single or Taken: Single.
-Monica or Brandy: brandy
-Tupac or Jay-Z: tupac. shyt, jigga man ain't got ship on pac! thug lovin!
-Shania Twain or Leann Rhymes: eww..neither
-Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: mm..nestea baby!
-One pillow or Two: one or two? try 5! i loooove pillows!!
-Chocolate or Vanilla: chocolate
-Hot chocolate or Hot cocoa: um..i didn't think there was a difference
-Cappucino or Coffee: Coffee..well, if it's from starbucks
[do you]
-Shower everyday: yup. sometimes twice cause i go to the gym
-Have a crush: not at the moment.
-Think you've been in love: *blush* aww..april i still loves you!
-Want to go to college: yes.
-Like high school: fuck no. but i do like some of the people.
-Want to get married: sure, why not?
-Type correctly: yuppers!
-Believe in yourself: sometimes im a bit cocky..eep
-Have any tattoos? fake one of a tribal butterfly on my lower back and one above my coochie of a heart. but i want 4 when im older.
-Have any piercings? just once in my ears. but i've had about 10 before.
-Get motion sickness: no.
-Think you're a health freak: sometimes.
-Get along with your parents: well..not really.
-Like thunderstorms: kick ass!!
[the last time you]
-Had sex: last july with eric. haha..
-Had a great time with the opposite sex: kristi's party. all the guys there were pretty cool..cept jeremy was like..a paper weight. go figure
-Been kissed:kristi's party
[who]
-makes you laugh the most: aaron
-makes you smile: brian
-gives you that funny feeling when you see them: *blush* kristi
-has a crush on you: eww..a couple of my ex's including my ex girlfriend
-do you have a crush on: NOO!! steven was a coke fiend like moi (well, im an ex addict actually),leah's a stoner and uh..joe is ..well..joe!
-can make you feel better no matter what: brian
-Has it easier, guys or girls?: guys. plus they're kick ass. girls are just whiney bitches for the most.
[last person]
-You touched?: marlene. i hugged her goodbye
-You talked to: aaron
-You hugged?: marlene
-You instant messaged?: nobody cause i don't have aim
-You kissed?: kristi ^_^
-You had sex with?: eric.
-You yelled at?: steven
-You laughed with?: danielle,marlene and aaron at the movies
-Who broke your heart?: leah
-Who told you they loved you?: april
[the future]
-Age your plan to be married: none. when it happens, it happens
-Number and names of children: 2 maybe. i dunno..
-Where will you be at age 20: clubbing, at college, modeling and maybe working at hooters or as a topless dancer. weee!
-Dream wedding: at a rave! ^_^ haha!
-How do you want to die: i don't but if i had to choose getting so drunk that i just pass out and die.
-Dream job: being a famous model or actress
-Country you'd like to visit: Japan! =D
[opposite sex]
-Best eye color: brown or ice blue
-Best hair color: brown or some funky color like tangerine or cherry red
-Short or long hair: both ^_^ i can never decide
-Best height: taller than me. im only 5 ft 3 inches
-Best weight: whatever is healthy for them
-Best clothes: long jeans and a wife beater
-Best first date location: movies or a local concert
-Best first kiss location: anywhere in the dark
[0ther]
-Last time you slept with a stuffed animal: a few weeks ago. i was feeling lonley
-Rings before you answer the phone: 1
-What's on your mousepad: i don't have one
-How many houses you've lived in: 1 and two apartments
-How many schools you've gone to: 6
-Bedroom carpet color: brownish
-Shave your head for $5,000?: yup! then i'd go buy some wigs and pritty clothes
-Stranded on a desert island. Take three things. No people: lingerie( sexy undergarments are must. or i'll just tan naked.),toys (mwhah..i won't say what toys), and a lifetime supply of batteries
-Best time of your life so far: my first local show. but..uh.. i got a bloody nose in the process
-Last time you had sex: last july
-Last time you were kissed: kristi's party |
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| *dances around* |
[Jul. 8th, 2004|12:12 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | awake | ] |
| [ | music |
| | jimi hendrix - foxy lady | ] |
*singing * " cause i got high, cause i got high, because i got hiiiigh. i was gonna go to court today, but then i got high." haha. good times - pause- good times. bah, sooo many inside jokes about that.
anyhoo, i talked to dani,teenie jeanie (I CAN'T SPELL!*runs in circles*),plurkid and uh..*thinkies*my mom. ^_^ my mom is sending me perfume and shtuff for a LATE bday gift! *dances* IMPORTED STUFF! mwhahaha! oh, yeah, and asian pride. <--- shameless plug.
weell...me and dani(danielle) and plurkid (marlene) are going to have a sleepover on saturday!! ^_^ *squeals* well, we're going to take lots and lots of pictures so i will post them on here as soon as i get the chance. weee! hm..on saturday these peoples are coming to the mall ( the only ones who've confirmed tho are the top 3)
me ( DUH!)
dani <-- i havn't seen her since..HOMECOMING! IN OCTOBER!
plurkid < *squeals*
dan <-- soo sexy. it could be the fact that he has long hair. or the facial hair (god knows im a sucker for guys like that). or that he plays guitar. or maybe its all the above? ooh well, he's sexy and that's cool. meh, it could be that he's the only SMART male i know. haha. i <3 u guys!
andrew <--- don't shove my face into your...*dies laughing*
and that's it. its a mix of people who probably don't know eachother (cept dani and plurkid) which is going to be VERY intersting. ooh wells.
bah, i didn't have a ride to go to mckay's today. :( cause my DICKHEAD EX BOYFRIEND IS JEALOUS OF DAN! NOT MY FUCKING FAULT!
gah..here's the way the convo goes down( oh, and he was the only person available so that's why i asked him)
ex (hah, he doesn't even get a name) - so who's dan?
me - my sweet dude friend who works in dc. you know, the dude that was in the band arson rose.
ex - oh right. that was your favorite set. so..is he ya know
me - sexy? drop dead!
ex- EWWWWW! damn, im not like peter. i don't THINK like that.
me - oh right. you only appear gay. ahahaha.
ex - well, i don't wanna give you a ride if all you're gonna do is make out with dan.
me- are you jealous cause i like this dude? dude, come on, he's a friend!
ex- you like him as a friend now, but that's not what you'll say 3 weeks from now.
me - oh god. you're jealous. as usual.
ex- whatever. chill with me. forget that bookstore crap.
me- oh right..its cause you want me to be dumb and beautiful like..oh my god! michelle! oh my god!
ex- damn, why ..why can't you be stupid for ONE DAMN MINUTE OF YOUR LIFE?
me- cause im not and you are. *clicks off phone*
*rolls eyes* so yeah..we're not speaking and im pissy that i didn't get a ride to mckay's. evil bastard. and then..IT RAINED!! bah. so i was bored and cranky today. except when i was talking to dani. then plurkid. ^.^ *squeals*
im having fun being single. right now i'll play the field unless i find someone who catches my eye. hah. dan in california goes " do you fancy a gent or some BUM like you usualy do? i swear, you're a bum magnet!"
both of us - *dies laughing*
ooh wells. i might be going to warped tour this summer. weee!! |
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| ackk.... |
[Jul. 6th, 2004|12:08 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | aggravated | ] |
| [ | music |
| | t.A.T.u. - stars | ] |
okies..sometimes i wonder WHY life is soooo difficult and confusing. ugh.
*flops onto bean bag chair*
i was at kristi's as SOOO many people know, an all considering im single and so were the two girls i kissed, i had no problem with it. course, i tend to just act and not think sometimes and i wish someone had told me that melissa was uncomfortable with what we were doing. but then again, you can't PLEASE EVERYONE. *shakes head* and if kristi kissed me just to get attention..ew.. i hope that's not the case. i don't think so, but who am i to say such a thing? i don't really know her that well. of course, im allllways the crowd pleaser/entertainment and quite frankly i never get tired of it. tis in my nature. i dunno, i just like to act in the moment no matter how risque' it is some folk.
but james doesn't seem too happy that i kissed kristi. oi vey. *slaps forhead* i can see how he'd be a little upset cause it's his ex girlfriend but now i feel all awkward around him. i mean, i was gonna call him til i read his entry. now i just feel .... odd.
bah, im starting to think i gave off a bad impression of myself to all those people i either havn't seen in a while ( as in brendan and andrew) and to the rest who don't know me that well. *sigh* my sexuality is my buisness along with the activities that go with it. you don't like it? look away. ugh. im just sooo annoyed cause i feel like i did nothing wrong but when someone says they're disgusted with the lesbian action it gets on my nerves.
i talked to brian and well, he doesn't know how i "behaved" at the party but with that tone of voice i had he knew i'd done something cause he was like "do i wanna know?"
i've got butterflies in my tummy cause i was gonna ask this chick out yesterday but i ended up talking to kristi. kinda wanted to calm my nerves an then go ask the chick but i just felt like talking to kristi. *sigh* i want a girlfriend! *pouts* everyone is getting one, breaking up with one or has one. why can't i get the BALLS to ask her out? *sigh* with chicks i tend to be a little shyer before i ask them out. i dunno why. i just am. that, and when im in a relationship i tend to take care of my lover ( whether it be guy or girl). i just like to.
i guess im hesitant about asking her out cause 3 lovers in a row i was cheated on. bod, reesey, and ugh..that boy..i don't even want to say his name ..yuck. course i didn't figure out the last one til i was talking to his girlfriend. we weren't sure if he did but i know now and i don't want to tell her. i mean, she's my good friend and all but i just don't want to hurt her anymore than she already is. *shakes head* this sucks. how could he? he was always like " i love you, i love you." fuck it. |
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| wondering |
[Jul. 4th, 2004|12:39 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  curious | ] |
| [ | music |
| | petey pablo - freakaleek | ] |
i could've kissed her..but i ran just brushed my lips against hers and rubbed my face against her in a playful way. mew, i wonder if she would've let me kiss her? *scratches head* yeah, i dunno. but i do wonder. maybe i'll find out, maybe i won't. ooh wells. i wanted to though. yuppers. cause i was on the floor biting her neck. and her lil oscar the grouch shirt was soo cute! ^.^ but she's cuter! im going to go eat now. i updated twice today so huzzah! *nods head* |
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| huzzah! an update~ |
[Jul. 4th, 2004|12:32 pm] |
i dunno, im just really bad at remembering to update my lj. god only knows why but yeah. *blush* yeah, i bit a certain someone yesterday. a prittyful female someone. ^.^ she says i bite better! haha! i hung out with kristi and some other peoples yesterday. fun,fun indeed. and her,me and other peoples are gonna hang out today. *squeals* i have a crush on someone and im not telling! okies, its on a girl, but that's ALL im saying. *giggles*
hm..what else? happy fourth of july!
mew, well, that's all kids!
*huggles all of you* weeee! fireworks tonight! |
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| update-age and ish.. |
[Jun. 12th, 2004|02:36 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | crappy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | eminem - bitch please 2 | ] |
sorry i havn't updated in forever. i just usually use my uj but i'll copy and past those entries in here. actually, i like lj better cause i have a lot of buddies on here. weee! so uh..what else? oh yes. heather(ravyn) looks sooo prettyful in the lj pics she posted a while back. ^.^ mew, mew. its not that i don't like her or anything, i just, i dunno. im a little shyer than i used to be when meeting new people so i guess, i just want to sound dumb talking to her or something. meh. she's always really nice to me tho, so i guess i just need to get over my being shy.
rae took a ZILLION pictures of moi,and i love it, but i kinda feel bad for taking up space on her camera. see, i used to take zillions of pics with a few friends out in loudon with disposable cameras or on krystal's webcam and we'd all oogle them. then we'd change clothes,trade clothes, or make stuff and then take more pictures. im SUCH a camera whore. whooshy. i have all these talented friends who are into cool shit and i guess i want some guidance and advice. mew, i adore learning stuff from other people cause i dunno..i just like the help and their advice. take heather for example : she's a free spirit, awesome designer and good at sewing. i know jack squat about sewing so learning from her would be fun. plus, like myself, she wants to start her own fashion line. whoosh. she'll blow the world away cause she's got so much to offer. i also know from the few times i've really talked to her. she's highly intelligent and has a lot to say, which obviously fasinates me. she's just..how do you say? she's very ..ambitious. i look up to her even though i don't know her very well. hm..what else? oh! she's nice too! ^.^
and rae. she's a super cool chick. her and i get along pretty well and she's fun to be around. i really like hanging around her. she's also great at taking pictures and raving. she's been a really good friend to me and has taught me some valueable lessons that i've taken to heart and also helped me feel more comfortable in my own skin like largo has. its really meant a lot to me lately. *squeals* and she's got the cutest eyes! *drools* cuteness!!
james/jeeves has been UBER cool. my filmwhore. haha. as in he's into making movies and such. which is uber cool. haha, i remember during ddr when he filmed me. lol. wonder if he saved that? that's some good footage!! haha. plus, he's like a big brother to me. im not super close to him, but he really makes my day. im sad that he's leaving for college, but i hope we keep in touch. he's sooo cool!! ^.^ weee!!
hm..what else? well, since im already thinking about friends here's something i havn't told anyone. i might have to go to a looney bin...and "alternative school" as in..somewhere like graydon manor or that other place kitty is going. eep. im sooo scared. and then my therapist says i need to be put on meds. eek. they probably should've done that when i burned myself a few years back. scaryness. the scar's gone but its still scary to think about. *shudders* and the scar on my knee. ooh..its the only one i have left from self injury that's well..stayed for a long time. its been there since i was 12 and i just pray that it will go away one day.
i've figured out one thing today : i am so used to abuse i probably go looking for it without knowing it. see, my dad used to hit me as a kid and then he stopped, my mom started verbally abusing me at 11 and later that same year hit me a lot, then she left and my dad just recently lost his temper and bruised me by throwing me into a wall an slapping me. this week there's been no abuse. i just hope it stays that way. i also figured out my dad smoked weed a couple times. hm..so i come from a long line of peoples that have done drugs on both sides of my family. gah, so i jinxed myself when i was little by saying "i'll never do drugs while im underage"? thats sooo fucked up. dude, that ain't even cool. a few weekends ago i figured out my mom threw me into a wall so hard after banging my head into the wall a couple times beforehand, that i lost concsciousness for what felt like a few minutes to me..but could've been longer. dad told me that. weird.
hm..so there's definately a chance im bi polar they say..im bulimic, my post tramatic stress disoder is really getting in the way of my being able to live life normally, i've been sober for 6 days ( i talked to my therapist and we've clarified what was out of my system. and well..i thought it was less days than it was! lol.) but i feel like crap,i've pulled out my hair ( dude, my head hurt SOOO BAD yesterday), im going to a looney bin or alternative school and uh..what else?? oh yeah, my boyfriend is going to rehab and im afraid i might be heading down that road one day in my life like when im 19. or something? cause right now im too paranoid to do any drugs. ooh..i kirked out after my dad left cause it really hit me that abuse has been a constant in my life. icky,icky.
*sigh* and with all the suicide attempts and failures at that, its just another thing i don't want to have to tell that damn physcologist. bod's gonna flip when i tell her im going to a looney bin. *cries* she's gonna flip like everyone else and they're gonna get mad at me. whhhyyy?? speaking of which, they ( my therapist/dad/counselor and co.) that i have a problem with authority. how SHITTY is that? fuck,fuck,fuck.
i really need to get a camera and take pics of myself. mew, im such a camerawhore. let's see what else? im not doing anything this weekend cause im grounded.uh..rini needs to call me, largo needs to call me, and uh..im bored as shit. fuck,fuck,fuck. maybe i'll watch or movie or rave in my room. *sigh* i watched slc punk and it reminds me of spin cause she loves that movie. haha, heroin bob. who never did heroin. just drank. lol. heroin bob.
*plays with hair* i need to get it cut. and dyed. meep, im going to go watch a movie now. bye kids. <3 |
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| wowie! |
[May. 30th, 2004|11:42 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  bouncy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | random techno mix cd my friend burned me | ] |
eek! i asked these peoples to add me as their friend and then i forgot who i asked! cept, rainbow alien added me so i feel cool now. lol. im such a dork sometimes. i have updated here in a long ass time cause i've been uber lazy and forgot to ask the peoples of livejournalnes for my password cause i lost it. so i finally did today an they replied so now im updating. and this time i saved it so i would be able to update more. but, now i have to go and find all the peoples i asked to add me. oi, so if you read this tell me if you added me and i'll add you back if i don't find you soon. ooh..i feel like SUCH a dork. i remember someone called pookiescum or something of that nature. she's sooo pretty! ^.^ especially her eyes. they're all cat like , like mine. weeeee!
well, i went on some goth lolita sites and im going to buy some clothes off this site :
http://www.deliriumclothing.com/kawaii/index.htm
my favorite site!! well, other than this one :
http://www.raverbox.safeshopper.com/
and this one:
http://daddyos.com/index.html
my friends and i have noticed wherever i go, i am the TOKEN RAVER! lol. well, to be all specific and all the only candykid. i don't keep to one fashion so my friend kim goes "you're the token!! " lol. she's soooo funny, yet soooo dumb sometimes. I <3 the 50's!! such cute clothing. okay, i lie a teenie bit, its mostly cause i love james dean ( SOOO SEXY!) but its also about the clothes. you know, i think i might change my name on here to candykidbaby or something cause im not feeling the sexkitten thing. plus, krissy wants people to stop confusing her sn on uh..yahoo or whatever and my uj cause i remembered her's is 50ssexkitten. oops. knew i stole this from SOMEWHERE! ooh wells. but i'll let you all know if i change my mind or not. okay?
i think im going to watch groove today ( for like the 30th time cause i can't find the movie i rented last night. its called love don't cost a thing w/ nick cannon and christina milian. funny movie..but where did i put it?)
well, im out!! bye kids!
plur. |
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| w00t! |
[May. 23rd, 2004|09:21 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | creative | ] |
| [ | music |
| | robot - t.A.T.u. | ] |
another online journal!! mika and i are addicted to them or something, i swear! we need to start a community for that or something. well, its late so im going to update tomorrow. bye! |
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